review :: Carnage by Lesley Jones

"Georgia Rae, when we made love you used to cry, you said... I love you like the stars above, I'll love you till I die."

~ 

Wow. In a good way? Bad way? I don’t know! I’m so confused and lost as to how to start this review. Anyone care to lend me a hand? Gosh. Okay… I won’t quote from the book for a change, I want you to go into it open minded and untouched as possible in terms of actual content. But…

To be honest with you, my first reaction when I finished this book wasn’t good. Like, at freaking all. I was like, “all this freaking trouble for THIS mother fudging ending?! Are you kidding me?!?!?!” Yeah. You can tell you’ll be displeased as fudge. But then again, the author doesn’t promise a HEA. Still, I was really, really mad. And I guess I still am, in a way. But I think that after sleeping on it, and analyzing things, it wasn’t that bad. I mean, I enjoyed the book – or at least the majority of it – and I was thoroughly entertained, so there’s that. Yet, for me, it somehow fell short. I don’t know. In theory, though, love triangles, second chance romances? Count. Me. In!!! Gimme more, please.

Let me just tell you, this book is definitely not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. All those warnings you get beforehand and stuff are maybe what drew me to this book in the first place, more so than the actual blurb because I love a good adventurous, outside the box kind of read, but I suppose it just lacked… something? But let’s review a little bit of the actual story before I dive in some more. As always, not spoiler free. Sorry!

Georgia Rae and Sean McCarthy are meant to be. They have loved each other ever since Georgia was 11 and Sean hung out with her family – and even formed a band with her brothers! – that went on to become super successful. By now you must know the drill: fame shot up to his head; drugs, booze, girls and you are able to spell disaster with a capital D. If anything, this book is brutally honest and raw. I’m not used to reading books where the hero cheats (it’s a gazillion times harder for me than dealing with an asshole), so it made me uncomfortable right from the start. I really didn’t like Sean for the most part, maybe until he got his act together. But the thing is, right before he got his head on straight, in comes Cam. And, trust me, I hated wishing Gia would end up with Cam instead of Sean, because I knew that wasn’t going to happen, but gosh darn if I didn’t hope for it anyway! See, this book just wasn’t meant for me from the get-go. Sigh.

Despite my own leaning towards Cam thing, I started to warm up to Sean again when he reentered Georgia’s life, despite being gutted at how things between her and Cam happened. Truth is, the passion between “Maca” and George is undeniable and beautiful and I couldn’t frown at them being back together. Before I go on, let me tell you I was not the biggest fan of Georgia’s (read: at all!) either, so I only disliked her more by the end of the book, especially in THAT scene. I was THIS close to strangling the hell out of her. Ugh! But by then I was already so taken with Sean again that I didn't care about anything other than their preciousness together. Swoon!

GOD! I’m still so lost as to how to approach this review or this book. I’m doing it very differently than usual, so I’m just going to divide this into what worked for me and what didn’t. Yep, I’m that torn! Sheesh. Okay. What worked?

I loved Lesley’s idea and intention with the book. The very, very emotional, raw, passionate, thrilling feelings you get despite what you may or may not think of it in the end. The English slang, bringing back so many memories of my time being close friends with my Brit babes and their awesome lingo. Cam, Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome! The honesty in this book, while a punch to the gut at first, quickly became refreshing and a testament to Lesley’s ballsy approach to writing.

Now… what didn’t work?

Well, I’m not one to be deterred by faulty writing (and I know this is an unrevised copy), but it did take away from the experience a bit for me. I was distracted over the spelling and the formatting issues, even though I tried really hard not to (not an insult to you, Lesley, at all! Just an OCD issue for me I suppose). The juvenile, overly dramatic feel to the book, especially in the beginning. The slow pace at first, that almost lost me if I hadn’t forced myself to power through at the insistence of the recommendations I read. THE ENDING! I’ll never get over it. Ever. Being blindsided like that isn’t nice, you know? Yep, still angry.

In a nutshell, those are my considerations. I’m not pleased with this review, I feel like there’s so much more I wish I could articulate, but this book was literally the hardest I’ve had to review so far. I get the intention of the author, to show that life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies and books can’t always have a happy ending. But, thing is, I never knew there wouldn’t be one until I was past the point of no return, or else I would’ve avoided the book. My own fault, but still bitter? CHECK!

I didn’t exactly sob at the end (more like mouth formed in an “O” shape, disbelief etched on my face, sheets fisted on my palms, teary eyes, afterwards an ugly bitch baby ready to burst into loud wailing face…) but it was still one hell of a ride that you should definitely take, despite what you’ve read here. You’ll never really know until you experience it yourself, and maybe you’ll feel 100% differently than me. That’s the beauty of reading, isn’t it?

Will I read the sequel? I don’t know. Probably not. BUT, WAIT! DON’T SHOOT! I’m not saying this because I think Lesley isn’t fucking brilliant (pardon my French, I had to!), but because I’m not invested in the way the book ended. Not after that. Not after that ending. I can’t. Oh, what the hell, I probably will. Ugh. ANYWAYS. I will abso-freaking-lutely dive into “Saviour” by Lesley herself, because that one seems like such an amazeballs ride I’m itching to go on! I’ll keep y’all posted.

P.S. – Here’s something Lesley said about the ending of the book (yes, my bitterness had me Googling “WHY THAT ENDING ON CARNAGE BY LESLEY JONES?!” … or something like that, I was still seeing red LOL): “Then, just as I was reaching the conclusion, a number of awful events happened around me that just made me realise - you know what? Sometimes in life, we don't get what we want, things do fall apart, and bad things happen to good people.” Sigh. I hear you, Lesley, but still, fuckin' hell. Oh shit, now I'm getting all misty eyed over the book again. Oh, Sean... Damn it! Abort these feelings! Abort!

~

{ RATING :: 3.5/4 stars

SEX SCENES :: Steamy

GENRE :: Contemporary romance, music, new adult

AUDIENCES :: 18+

LENGTH :: 406 pages

HAPPY ENDING :: No

SEQUEL :: Yes }

review :: Bully & Until You by Penelope Douglas

 (Small introductory FYI: I’ve been absent from this little corner of the web for a little while because of college crappery and illness. I’m still reading – not a lot of new books, mainly rereading as you can tell from my tweets – but I simply haven’t had the time to sit down and write reviews because I don’t want them to be half-assed. I want to pour my all into them, so… yeah. This is my life lately. Let’s review, shall we?!)

~

“Yesterday lasts forever. Tomorrow comes never.”

Okay, this is actually cheating because I read these books way back when. Um, yeah, this sounds like I read them way back in the 80’s or something, which I didn’t because first, I wasn’t even an embryo yet and second, they weren’t around back then, so… uh… yeah. Rambling and stuff. Anyway, this wasn’t a recent read, but I reread these awesome sauce books today and felt like it was a crime not to write about them because they still made me tingle all over. Sigh, Jared…

So, the title of the first book is pretty self explanatory, and the blurb is quite simple: Jared Trent gets off on bullying Tatum Brandt, and no matter how much we glamorize it, it’s still bullying, it’s still wrong and it’s still a risky subject to touch. And yep, despite all this, I. Freaking. Loved. It!!!! I wonder why I actually gravitate towards things I strongly frown upon in real life, like bullying and taboo matters and all sorts of things. I just feel like, if done right, it’s one hell of a ride to take. Things aren’t always black and white in life. Aren’t books great that way? Drama! Thrills! Goosebumps! Tears! Wanting to die a little inside because of the angst!

Jared and Tate were best friends ever since they were little kids and lonesome Jared found out a new neighbor just moved next door. See, Jared didn’t have the best life growing up, with an absent and abusive dad and a drunk mom, while Tate had only her (kickass) dad to rely on, seeing as her mom passed away. Through it all, they relied on each other the best they could, with Tate being the clutch to Jared’s sadness and vice versa. It was so sweet to read about! But then, of course, all the happiness is ripped away by something you’ll have to read to find out about.

“You were my tempest, my thunder cloud, my tree in the downpour. I loved all of those things, and I loved you. But now…you’re a fucking drought.”

Our story begins with Jared filled with hate and bitterness, and a sad, beaten down Tate who is on the verge of spending a year studying abroad. With Tate’s absence, Jared is forced to face all the underlying issues that plague him, that maybe his hatred of Tate is nothing but a cover up for the love he still feels for her. Gosh, you guys, you can practically feel the emotion rolling off the pages! It’s like you’re there and it’s ripping your heart apart because you know Jared needs Tate like oxygen, but he’s too bitter to swallow his pride and get her. And Tate… poor Tate.

“What was worse than losing you was when you started to hurt me. Your words and actions made me hate coming to school. They made me uncomfortable in my own home.”

Grrr! I wanted to slap Jared silly for the first half of the book, because dang, be warned: he could be cruel as fudge. But then, against all natural instincts and all cruelty, I still found myself rationalizing his behavior and trying to understand where he was coming from, because I knew, in my heart of hearts, that he loved Tate like no one else. He wanted her anger, her fire, he craved it. And I’ve read people saying that despite all that, what he did was unjustifiable, but that wasn’t the case with me. Maybe my tune would be different had I experienced all that myself, but…

“I hate you!”

And there it was.

“Good!” I shouted, bearing down on her, my heart beating wildly. “Finally! Because it’s been a long time since I could stand the sight of you.”

Ouch, ouch, ouch! Jared sure knows how to deliver the blows. He was taught to believe needing someone was showing weakness, apologizing made him look like a pussy. But, for Tate, he was willing to swallow his mammoth pride because the need for her was stronger. Jared's sidekick Madoc also helped tremendously in helping Jared take his head out of his ass and man up enough to realize he wanted and needed Tate.

Apologizing was a sign of weakness.

But I wanted Tate back.

My heart only beat for her, and I’d rather spend my life hating, loving, fucking, and breathing her than losing her.

You need to apologize, dickhead.

“Shhh, Tate,” I whispered into her ear. “I won’t hurt you. I’ll never hurt you again. I’m sorry,” I said, closing my eyes as I swallowed the bitter pill.

See? In accepting that his love and need for her overshadowed the sadness and anger over his past, therein began the healing. Not without many more twists and turns I want you to experience – because the road to their love story was paved with spikes and thorns –, but the outcome was sweeter than sweet and was worth all the near tears I spilled and the angst we had to power through!

“Yesterday lasts forever. Tomorrow comes never. Until you.”

I’d say that this book isn’t for those easily offended and whose feathers are ruffled easily. This book is maddening and cruel pretty much through the first half, and you’ll hate Jared once or twice or a bazillion times, but I really recommend it if you love redeemable bad boys; amazing, deep, thrilling love stories and an overall roller coaster ride. Penelope wrote a ballsy, unforgettable, amazing book that, despite the content and your approval or otherwise, anyone would or should be darn proud to read. Buckle up – you’ll need it, little devils! It’s gonna be painful, but it’s gonna be fuuuuun!

“I can’t change the past, Tate. I wish I could, because I’d go back and relive every day that I existed without you, and I’d make sure that you smiled.” My eyes burned with regret, and I saw the pools in her beautiful blues, too. “Every minute of my future belongs to you.”

(Sidenote: shhh, I'm sorry, I know this is so long already, omg, but I cannot freaking wait for Madoc's story in Rival, releasing Summer 2014! YES, YES, YES! Gimme, gimme, gimme! Penelope, love, if you're reading this, consider the donation of my firstborn in exchange for the book. Kthnxbye!)

~

{ RATING :: 5 stars

SEX SCENES :: Steamy

GENRE :: Contemporary romance, series, new adult

AUDIENCES :: 18+

LENGTH :: 332 pages

HAPPY ENDING :: Yes

SEQUEL :: Series continuation, different characters }